Have you ever known real life "mean girls"? People you may have met in middle school, high school and maybe even now. Ever wonder how they got so mean, what made them the way they are? I recently was asking myself this question and I think I finally get it.
So... there was this girl, let's just call her Sarah. I knew her throughout grade school and into middle. She was always the gossiper, the two face... pretty much the grade school version of bitch. Sarah was so mean and hateful, even to the people who were her friends. She seemed to live an awesome life-- having a fun and trendy style to complement her cute figure.
Although Sarah had all of these things, there was still something missing. And when she came to my school in St. Louis, Missouri in fourth grade, I quickly found out what it was.
Sarah had no dad. Her and her younger sister were raised by their mother the past couple years, and I'm still not sure what he passed away from. Although she herself never told me, I heard from other girls in my class about her loss and it finally became verified when my mother told me what Sarah's own mother had confided in her the day before.
"I know Sarah can be mean sometimes, but you should really give her a break," my mom would say.
Even after listening to my mom's advice, I still was hesitant about letting her bad behavior go. At the time, I never really knew loss and thought that this tragic happening gave her no right to be mean to me, much less anyone else.
I still believe this to be true, but I also have a new perspective in a totally different light. Now dealing with true and real grief, I can relate to some of the reasons why Sarah acted the way she did.
A little over three years after Jake's death, I am still grieving and getting through day by day. People who haven't expierienced this or just don't know, don't expect the grieving process to take this long. That shortly after the funeral you're just supposed to go on with life, just as everyone else. But it doesn't work that way. People grieve differently, cope differently and heal differently. And no matter who you are, after losing someone you truly love, you will always have that part of them with you. I believe, someone can't fully heal from something like that; they can come to terms with the loss, enjoy life again, but that person will always be on their minds and hearts and that's how it should be.
When dealing with enormous amounts of grief, it can be hard to find someone who you identify with, someone who understands. Someone who gets that you're going to be sad, and sad for a reason. That months or even years after the happening you're not going to be fully whole again, because that person has left an imprint on your life.
Because of this, many (including myself) put on the "happy face" and pretend everything's okay. Although everything might not be fine, they don't want to lose any more friends or important people in their life, so they pretend they are dealing well. Generally, people don't like sadness, hurt or pain. And thus, don't like to see loved ones that way either. But what makes grief so hard to deal with is that the person can't make it better.
Us as human beings strive to improve, to change and to make positive of bad situations. But in grief, all that can heal is time, and we are very impatient. Many supporters and friends usually give up on the person they are trying to help because they have come to terms that whatever they do, it won't fix it. Rather than simply just being there, many loose contact and a healthy, thriving relationship.
Like me, I also feel Sarah had these same issues. She was coming to a new school, didn't know anyone and was trying to fit it in. Who wants to hang out with a girl they just met, whose going through hell and back? Not many. I feel for Sarah and understand why she shut people out. Having friends who are just there with you through the good times are better than having none at all.
My song today is titled "What It's Like" by Everlast. Although there is some profane language, the message stands true and allows the listener, especially myself, to think about the situations of others. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPoEA43cqKc
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