As I said before in a previous post, I will try and post a status everyday that has a song which corresponds to what I am feeling or about the day I've had. I hope all of you had a wonderful day today as well.
I am in a fun and great mood. So I thought, what better way to amuse myself and put off homework than to look up some good, well-thought and thought-provoking quotes!
Quotes to me are wonderful ways to express your feelings and desires, while using someone else's words. At times, vocaling your emotions can be difficult, and when finding a quote that totally relates to you, and identifies your situation, it's like fitting a piece into a puzzel or finding buried treasure. Sayings from others help me to continue my search for complete understanding of how the world works, and to see it from a new perspective.
Here are some quotes I found in the library earlier today:
1. Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. -Pablo Picasso
2. You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. -Gandhi
3. Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. -Dr. Seuss
4. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison
5. Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten. -G.K. Chesterton
6. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Eleanor Roosevelt
7. Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. -Albert Einstein
8. Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
9. Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.
10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
Well.... there they are. Enjoy my song for the day! Have a great weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVOTfo7hJUc&feature=related
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Now I understand
Have you ever known real life "mean girls"? People you may have met in middle school, high school and maybe even now. Ever wonder how they got so mean, what made them the way they are? I recently was asking myself this question and I think I finally get it.
So... there was this girl, let's just call her Sarah. I knew her throughout grade school and into middle. She was always the gossiper, the two face... pretty much the grade school version of bitch. Sarah was so mean and hateful, even to the people who were her friends. She seemed to live an awesome life-- having a fun and trendy style to complement her cute figure.
Although Sarah had all of these things, there was still something missing. And when she came to my school in St. Louis, Missouri in fourth grade, I quickly found out what it was.
Sarah had no dad. Her and her younger sister were raised by their mother the past couple years, and I'm still not sure what he passed away from. Although she herself never told me, I heard from other girls in my class about her loss and it finally became verified when my mother told me what Sarah's own mother had confided in her the day before.
"I know Sarah can be mean sometimes, but you should really give her a break," my mom would say.
Even after listening to my mom's advice, I still was hesitant about letting her bad behavior go. At the time, I never really knew loss and thought that this tragic happening gave her no right to be mean to me, much less anyone else.
I still believe this to be true, but I also have a new perspective in a totally different light. Now dealing with true and real grief, I can relate to some of the reasons why Sarah acted the way she did.
A little over three years after Jake's death, I am still grieving and getting through day by day. People who haven't expierienced this or just don't know, don't expect the grieving process to take this long. That shortly after the funeral you're just supposed to go on with life, just as everyone else. But it doesn't work that way. People grieve differently, cope differently and heal differently. And no matter who you are, after losing someone you truly love, you will always have that part of them with you. I believe, someone can't fully heal from something like that; they can come to terms with the loss, enjoy life again, but that person will always be on their minds and hearts and that's how it should be.
When dealing with enormous amounts of grief, it can be hard to find someone who you identify with, someone who understands. Someone who gets that you're going to be sad, and sad for a reason. That months or even years after the happening you're not going to be fully whole again, because that person has left an imprint on your life.
Because of this, many (including myself) put on the "happy face" and pretend everything's okay. Although everything might not be fine, they don't want to lose any more friends or important people in their life, so they pretend they are dealing well. Generally, people don't like sadness, hurt or pain. And thus, don't like to see loved ones that way either. But what makes grief so hard to deal with is that the person can't make it better.
Us as human beings strive to improve, to change and to make positive of bad situations. But in grief, all that can heal is time, and we are very impatient. Many supporters and friends usually give up on the person they are trying to help because they have come to terms that whatever they do, it won't fix it. Rather than simply just being there, many loose contact and a healthy, thriving relationship.
Like me, I also feel Sarah had these same issues. She was coming to a new school, didn't know anyone and was trying to fit it in. Who wants to hang out with a girl they just met, whose going through hell and back? Not many. I feel for Sarah and understand why she shut people out. Having friends who are just there with you through the good times are better than having none at all.
My song today is titled "What It's Like" by Everlast. Although there is some profane language, the message stands true and allows the listener, especially myself, to think about the situations of others. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPoEA43cqKc
So... there was this girl, let's just call her Sarah. I knew her throughout grade school and into middle. She was always the gossiper, the two face... pretty much the grade school version of bitch. Sarah was so mean and hateful, even to the people who were her friends. She seemed to live an awesome life-- having a fun and trendy style to complement her cute figure.
Although Sarah had all of these things, there was still something missing. And when she came to my school in St. Louis, Missouri in fourth grade, I quickly found out what it was.
Sarah had no dad. Her and her younger sister were raised by their mother the past couple years, and I'm still not sure what he passed away from. Although she herself never told me, I heard from other girls in my class about her loss and it finally became verified when my mother told me what Sarah's own mother had confided in her the day before.
"I know Sarah can be mean sometimes, but you should really give her a break," my mom would say.
Even after listening to my mom's advice, I still was hesitant about letting her bad behavior go. At the time, I never really knew loss and thought that this tragic happening gave her no right to be mean to me, much less anyone else.
I still believe this to be true, but I also have a new perspective in a totally different light. Now dealing with true and real grief, I can relate to some of the reasons why Sarah acted the way she did.
A little over three years after Jake's death, I am still grieving and getting through day by day. People who haven't expierienced this or just don't know, don't expect the grieving process to take this long. That shortly after the funeral you're just supposed to go on with life, just as everyone else. But it doesn't work that way. People grieve differently, cope differently and heal differently. And no matter who you are, after losing someone you truly love, you will always have that part of them with you. I believe, someone can't fully heal from something like that; they can come to terms with the loss, enjoy life again, but that person will always be on their minds and hearts and that's how it should be.
When dealing with enormous amounts of grief, it can be hard to find someone who you identify with, someone who understands. Someone who gets that you're going to be sad, and sad for a reason. That months or even years after the happening you're not going to be fully whole again, because that person has left an imprint on your life.
Because of this, many (including myself) put on the "happy face" and pretend everything's okay. Although everything might not be fine, they don't want to lose any more friends or important people in their life, so they pretend they are dealing well. Generally, people don't like sadness, hurt or pain. And thus, don't like to see loved ones that way either. But what makes grief so hard to deal with is that the person can't make it better.
Us as human beings strive to improve, to change and to make positive of bad situations. But in grief, all that can heal is time, and we are very impatient. Many supporters and friends usually give up on the person they are trying to help because they have come to terms that whatever they do, it won't fix it. Rather than simply just being there, many loose contact and a healthy, thriving relationship.
Like me, I also feel Sarah had these same issues. She was coming to a new school, didn't know anyone and was trying to fit it in. Who wants to hang out with a girl they just met, whose going through hell and back? Not many. I feel for Sarah and understand why she shut people out. Having friends who are just there with you through the good times are better than having none at all.
My song today is titled "What It's Like" by Everlast. Although there is some profane language, the message stands true and allows the listener, especially myself, to think about the situations of others. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPoEA43cqKc
Sunday, September 16, 2012
We are the Same
I know it's been a long time since the accident happened, but that doesn't take away its significance and how it makes me feel. I try to hide what I'm feeling and put on the happy face, hoping things will get better if I do. But so far, they haven't. I still miss my best friend and our long walks in the park together. I still miss seeing his smiling face when he scored a hockey goal or when I held his hand. I crave to hear his laugh, to feel his hugs and to actually hold a conversation with him. I am such a perfectionist and not being able to fix this is killing me. There is absolutely nothing I can do.
Music, to me, brings solace. Solace that I don't think anything else can. It allows me to expierience its message, and have something to identify with. Music understands me, and I understand it as well. It's something about putting the Music and Lyrics together that makes it magical, makes it apart from the rest. It calms me, and lets me relax. Because of this love for music, I propose this:
Every day I will post on this blog a song that describes what I am feeling, or summarizes my day. I hope you guys enjoy the songs as much as I do, and can find music as something that relates to you as well. There will be a variety of different tunes, each with a specific meaning and reflection. I hope this brings more consistency to my posts, and allows you to connect with music as much as I do.
"Music does bring people together. It allows us to experience the same emotions. People everywhere are the same in heart and spirit. No matter what language we speak, what color we are, the form of our politics or the expression of our love and our faith, music proves: We are the same.” John Denver
Music, to me, brings solace. Solace that I don't think anything else can. It allows me to expierience its message, and have something to identify with. Music understands me, and I understand it as well. It's something about putting the Music and Lyrics together that makes it magical, makes it apart from the rest. It calms me, and lets me relax. Because of this love for music, I propose this:
Every day I will post on this blog a song that describes what I am feeling, or summarizes my day. I hope you guys enjoy the songs as much as I do, and can find music as something that relates to you as well. There will be a variety of different tunes, each with a specific meaning and reflection. I hope this brings more consistency to my posts, and allows you to connect with music as much as I do.
"Music does bring people together. It allows us to experience the same emotions. People everywhere are the same in heart and spirit. No matter what language we speak, what color we are, the form of our politics or the expression of our love and our faith, music proves: We are the same.” John Denver
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
What it means to "remember"
To never forget. Cherish each and every memory, and bring those memories everywhere you go. To never doubt the high possibility that things will change, as all things do. But knowing that these changes bring you closer to the person you are meant to be and to the person you want to become. To stare fear straight in the face and say “hey, I can and will remember, even though it may be hard. I will remember because those memories are worth remembering.”
To trust. Trust that the hope of things getting better can and will exist. To never give up and keep fighting until the very end. Fight to remember the good times instead of the bad, fight to stay strong and be honest, and fight to be true to who you really are.
Remembering isn’t just a verb, it’s a subject, a noun, a way of life in which we honor and hold dear everything that is real to us. Every memory or laugh, every tear and every simple joy that we may have. “To remember” has far more credibility than we give it. Remembering and moving forward are two of the most highest honors and strengths a person can have. The ability to know your past, and still look to the future is a trait that most people want, and is a hard trait to develop.
Staring into space and measuring what the brain is capable of is mind bottling. But as researchers have said, a person can literally “train” their brain to forget. Forget all the pain, forget all the people you’ve hurt, forget the good memories because it’s too hard to deal—all of these examples are not uncommon. Denial is fear. Fear that when you come back to real life, you won’t be able to cope. It’s like a mental hibernation, when the person doesn’t realize they’ll eventually have to wake up. Wake up and face all of the things they’ve forgotten, or just didn’t want to remember.
Fear is only what we make it. Fear only has power if we let it. Fear is not something we should be afraid of—because we are stronger. Stronger than all the hurt, all the people that cut us down, all the rotten luck. We are stronger than fear, so we choose to remember.
To trust. Trust that the hope of things getting better can and will exist. To never give up and keep fighting until the very end. Fight to remember the good times instead of the bad, fight to stay strong and be honest, and fight to be true to who you really are.
Remembering isn’t just a verb, it’s a subject, a noun, a way of life in which we honor and hold dear everything that is real to us. Every memory or laugh, every tear and every simple joy that we may have. “To remember” has far more credibility than we give it. Remembering and moving forward are two of the most highest honors and strengths a person can have. The ability to know your past, and still look to the future is a trait that most people want, and is a hard trait to develop.
Staring into space and measuring what the brain is capable of is mind bottling. But as researchers have said, a person can literally “train” their brain to forget. Forget all the pain, forget all the people you’ve hurt, forget the good memories because it’s too hard to deal—all of these examples are not uncommon. Denial is fear. Fear that when you come back to real life, you won’t be able to cope. It’s like a mental hibernation, when the person doesn’t realize they’ll eventually have to wake up. Wake up and face all of the things they’ve forgotten, or just didn’t want to remember.
Fear is only what we make it. Fear only has power if we let it. Fear is not something we should be afraid of—because we are stronger. Stronger than all the hurt, all the people that cut us down, all the rotten luck. We are stronger than fear, so we choose to remember.
Rudine
My roomate and I were watching Oprah reruns and we came across a very heart-wrenching video. Pulling at every emotional string, Oprah attemps to help and console a woman who has been battling this life-threating disease for decades. It shows the progess she made, but also her tragic ending. This video caused me to really evaluate my life and just be a more caring and understanding person. Watching these interviews caused me to have mixed emotions of sadness, sympathy, compassion and helplessness. And even four days after viewing, I can't seem to get this woman--Rudine--out of my head. Please watch.
**Note: this video contains graphic images that may be unsuitable for certain individuals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOyqpKXJBXw
**Note: this video contains graphic images that may be unsuitable for certain individuals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOyqpKXJBXw
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Advice
God I wish I was better at this, better at connecting with people. Sometimes I find myself in a trans-- a sort of trans I can't get myself out of. It's like I enjoy being alone than I do with others. Call me a loner, call me depressed, I don't care. Just let me explain myself.
You can put your total trust into someone, someone you may have recently met or maybe someone you have been familiar with for a while. With this trust, there comes the possibility of this person betraying you, lying, letting you down, leaving or that person could even die. Why would you want to do that-- put yourself out there with that high chance of getting hurt? How could you ever really connect with someone again? Is it worth the fear?
I am so confused, so if you got the answer, please tell me. I need some advice.
-Caty
You can put your total trust into someone, someone you may have recently met or maybe someone you have been familiar with for a while. With this trust, there comes the possibility of this person betraying you, lying, letting you down, leaving or that person could even die. Why would you want to do that-- put yourself out there with that high chance of getting hurt? How could you ever really connect with someone again? Is it worth the fear?
I am so confused, so if you got the answer, please tell me. I need some advice.
-Caty
Friday, September 7, 2012
As I have discovered, college is a lot different than high school. It makes you think. It makes you think about the world in a new perspective, and see issues from different views than your own. It allows you to find self-discovery while making decisions that are best for you, rather than for someone else. College is such an exciting and scary time, and I really wish Jake was here to expierience it with me.
I came across this song today and fell in love. Deep, connected love that bound me into each well-thought out lyric that descibe my life completely. I was so stunned today when I heard this, and how relevant to my life it actually was, I just had to stop. I stopped everything I was doing, even stoppped breathing for a second. And just listened.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdBym7kv2IM
I came across this song today and fell in love. Deep, connected love that bound me into each well-thought out lyric that descibe my life completely. I was so stunned today when I heard this, and how relevant to my life it actually was, I just had to stop. I stopped everything I was doing, even stoppped breathing for a second. And just listened.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdBym7kv2IM
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Rekindling with the Familar
Hello fellow bloggers-- I know its been a while.
On my time off from my short but passionate blogging obsession I have:
-Learned to stand on pointe
-Attended the two most amazing concerts ever. Katy Perry and the Script. <3
-Met Hot Chelle Ray (they sing "tonight tonight")
-Managed to apply to TEN colleges. Yes ten.
-Received six acceptance letters thus far. Yes! Got into college! Can you believe it?
-Received no rejection letters from any college-- I hope that's a good thing?
-Performed my very first concert as a "RK Voice"
-Read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Rabbi Kushner and found it extremely disappointing
-Had two, but not so serious boyfriends in the past year and a half.
-Broken up with the two, not so serious boyfriends in the past year and a half.
-Iceskated for the very first time at Steinbergs
-Grown to thoroughly enjoy Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
-Been an active member of the YMCA, participating in "Zumba" classes at least once a week
-Gotten through Jake and I's fifth year anniversary
-Actually went out on Jake and I's anniversary
-Hoped for Jake to come back
-Wanted Jake to come back
-Never stopped loving Jake.
On my time off from my short but passionate blogging obsession I have:
-Learned to stand on pointe
-Attended the two most amazing concerts ever. Katy Perry and the Script. <3
-Met Hot Chelle Ray (they sing "tonight tonight")
-Managed to apply to TEN colleges. Yes ten.
-Received six acceptance letters thus far. Yes! Got into college! Can you believe it?
-Received no rejection letters from any college-- I hope that's a good thing?
-Performed my very first concert as a "RK Voice"
-Read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Rabbi Kushner and found it extremely disappointing
-Had two, but not so serious boyfriends in the past year and a half.
-Broken up with the two, not so serious boyfriends in the past year and a half.
-Iceskated for the very first time at Steinbergs
-Grown to thoroughly enjoy Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
-Been an active member of the YMCA, participating in "Zumba" classes at least once a week
-Gotten through Jake and I's fifth year anniversary
-Actually went out on Jake and I's anniversary
-Hoped for Jake to come back
-Wanted Jake to come back
-Never stopped loving Jake.
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