As I was reading my past entries from 2010 until now, I have noticed a profound improvement in my writing and how I have evolved to come to terms with Jake's death.
I am so glad I have been able to use this site as an online journal to document this love story, and to look back on how the relationship started. I have only been in love once, and loved that person with every ounce of my being. Sometimes I forget that, getting so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life I don't stop in gratitude of the love that I shared. Not many can say they had their first love in grade school, much less having that person pass away when you were the age of fifteen.
I think this blog has helped me tremendously to be able to share what happened. I tend to shut others out when we get too close, and try to forget about the accident and pretend everything is okay.
But it's not okay.
The accident did happen and there are some days when I feel lost, and others when I feel completly alone. But the truth of the matter is, I've had more good days than bad and more love than I could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have even met an amazing guy like Jake, considering all of the judgements and hatred in our world today. He was a one-of-a-kind. What we had I wouldn't trade for all of the heartache and all of the tears I have shed because of him.
What I am trying to say is, while looking at the posts through the years, I am so proud of how much I have opened up and exposed, even though this is an online blog.
Writing is such a precious tool, a gift and a blessing that allows me express myself in a way that verbal words can't. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading over the years and I plan to keep writing for years to come.
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