The way Jake made me feel is like trying to describe how water tastes. You can't. It's impossible. He made me feel like I was empowered, that I had the whole world on my side, but most importantly, I had him at my side. I haven't felt that way in a long time, because this type of feeling is so hard to find in our world today. Maybe that's why so many people are so devastated after they've lost their first love. Maybe they realized what they've lost.
Once you've had love, and lost it, the whole world shuts down. It's like, you're in another dimension or something. Asking yourself, "Was this love even real?" and "Why doesn't the world stop after he/she is gone?"
Shouldn't the world stop? Don't I deserve to have the universe come to a halt for a while for me to recupe? While the rest of the world is living, moving on with their lives, what am I to do? My world is gone.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What Jake and I had was young love; but in no way was this love "puppy". Yes, at first we were both filled with 7th grade infatuation, and the start of our first phone conversation was me saying "So you think I'm hot?". But as time stepped in and brought Jake and I closer together, the 5 minute conversations turned into hours. The awkward silence at school became talking to my best friend. And I, to this day-
3 1/2 years later- believe that I was, and still am, falling hard for this incredible guy.
What we had was special, not gonna lie. We didn't have to be making out 24/7 to be happy like the couples I see today. We were both happy just taking a walk in the park or writing silly notes to each other. One time, we wrote notes to each other in class saying, "If I were a fruit, what would I be?" According to Jake I was a banana, the color that represented me as a person was yellow, and the song that best descibed me was "Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash.
3 1/2 years later- believe that I was, and still am, falling hard for this incredible guy.
What we had was special, not gonna lie. We didn't have to be making out 24/7 to be happy like the couples I see today. We were both happy just taking a walk in the park or writing silly notes to each other. One time, we wrote notes to each other in class saying, "If I were a fruit, what would I be?" According to Jake I was a banana, the color that represented me as a person was yellow, and the song that best descibed me was "Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The more Jake and I were together, the more fond I became of him. He wasn't so bad at all. He was polite, truly cared about me (unlike my past crushes) and respected me. He wasn't creepy, he just told you exactly how he felt and what he was feeling at the time. This is one of the things I admire most about Jake to this day. He, as far as I know of, never lied to me.
He was the first person I have ever met to this day, no lie, that truly just didn't care what people thought about him. FLAT OUT didn't care. You know how some phonies are like "Ya, I try to be my own person, not to follow the crowd" and when peer pressure steps in, they're an entirely different person. But Jake wasn't like that at all. Today I struggle with being my own person, and not caring what others say or think. But to Jake, it didn't matter. It didn't matter to Jake when guys made fun of him during lunch for sitting next to me everyday, it didn't matter that people said we were too young and wouldn't make it as a couple, it didn't matter when we were faced with the bullies and haters in the school.....because we had each other. That was enough.
He was the first person I have ever met to this day, no lie, that truly just didn't care what people thought about him. FLAT OUT didn't care. You know how some phonies are like "Ya, I try to be my own person, not to follow the crowd" and when peer pressure steps in, they're an entirely different person. But Jake wasn't like that at all. Today I struggle with being my own person, and not caring what others say or think. But to Jake, it didn't matter. It didn't matter to Jake when guys made fun of him during lunch for sitting next to me everyday, it didn't matter that people said we were too young and wouldn't make it as a couple, it didn't matter when we were faced with the bullies and haters in the school.....because we had each other. That was enough.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Stars Cont...
When looking up at stars, I myself, feel very insignificant. When taking in that each and every one of those little lights in the sky are whole new universes, places to explore, new life and hope, a sort of frenzic builds up inside me. That there is more to life than we know, and it's out there, waiting for us.
You may be wondering why I am talking about stars, the universe and how the things that I'm saying are making no sense whatsoever to the essence of the story. But it does have a huge impact on what I am trying to say. Let me explain...
You may be wondering why I am talking about stars, the universe and how the things that I'm saying are making no sense whatsoever to the essence of the story. But it does have a huge impact on what I am trying to say. Let me explain...
Stars
Have you ever wondered, why me? Why am I here? What is my purpose, and what effect do I have on the world? I still to this day ask these questions. Have you ever looked up at the stars in a grassy field? Everything around you is dark, you lay down and then begin to look up. The only light is from the microscopic stars above you. You look up and say "Wow".
I am here. I'm alive. This is real....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Like Most Classic Love Stories Go...
Like most classic love stories go, the girl almost never ends up with the first guy introduced. Not even the classic novel and movie "The Notebook" was Noah the first man Allie has ever had a relationship with. Remember the ferris-wheel? How she was up there with the insanely old looking guy who could be counted nearly double her age... But, this is not the point. The point is that Allie had to break a few hearts, I am sure she got her heart broken too. But if Allie was right here next to me, in my school's library while I am blogging trying to do some of this Geometry homework, I KNOW that she would tell me that every tear shed was worth getting to be with Noah. Although the story is far from realistic (dying in each other's arms? C'mon Nick) I agree with all my heart that you can find true love like this young couple did. Maybe even better; it is out there. Believe me. As I have already told you, this is me. Completely and utterly vulnerable in every way. This is my story, the reason I truly believe I am here- and I am here to share it with you.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It's not what you think
After reading my past entries, you are probaly thinking this story is about Aaron and I and our happy wonderful life together. Well, you're wrong. I have no idea where Aaron is now, what he's doing, what he has accomplished. Because I honestly don't care. In life we go about looking for love. Hoping and praying for that "one" to come. And every partner that you are with it seems as if that person is the one that you are supposed to be with; until someone better comes along. Sometimes, things in our life seem so important at the time. Like for instance-having the first boyfriend in your class, or getting a homerun playing kickball in P.E. No worries, I felt the same way, most of us do at a young age. And sometimes your heart does get broken on purpose-sounds harsh I know- but it's the truth. Without all the heartache, the pain, and the suffering, how could we distinguish happiness?
Back to my story-
After being rejected, I was wallowing in self pity, like most preteen girls do. I felt as though no one would ever like me and my life was over. In reality, my life was just beginning. I had- and still have- so much of my life to look forward to. And I was just in the primacy of it. I didn't understand that back then. But I do now.
My family and I live near a local park. So to cheer up my mood, (or to cry by myself) not sure which yet, I decided to go to this park. It really is a beautiful park. There are acres of trees, playsets, a pond, it was the hangout. So, I'm there, same day, a few hours after being let down, shedding a poor little tear (boo hoo) on the swingset. Then I looked over my shoulder and I see two guys from my school-Kyle and Jones. "Oh great!" I thought, "Now they're gonna see me crying and they'll go and tell Aaron, I just don't feel like seeing anyone." But, even though my mind was begging them to leave the park and go home, it didn't stop them from coming over to see me."
"Hey Caty!" Kyle said. Kyle and I were good friends in grade school. I would tell him just about everything. He was always nice, understanding, and a very good listener. So they come over, me saying "Hi!" while wiping my tears. Thankfully they never did see those tears, at least I hope not.
We had our usual talk about school, parents, etc. And Kyle brought up his best friend Jake. "Did Jake talk to you by chance?" "No. " I replied. "Why?" Kyle, a smile crackling up on his face told me that Jake better tell me and it wasn't any of his buisness. 'This must me serious." I thought. Kyle told me practically everything. I WANT to know. I NEED to know. So I finally got it out of him, and apparently Jake, thought little old Caty was hot. HOTT!!!! And wanted to go out with me. The first thing that popped into my head was not, 'That's so nice of him'. No, I was much more evil to think of that. I wanted to make Aaron jealous. I wanted him to hurt just like I did.
Jake was a fine looking boy, and played on the same baseball team as Aaron. This was a prime opportunity for me to take revenge. Jake had the "bad boy" persona and was creepy at times, but I could stand that to get to Aaron. I should have known Jake liked me. He tried to buy me pretzels at lunch, held open practically every door for me, and tried to start up pointless conversations with me even though he knew I wasn't interested. So, this wasn't a huge suprise. But my evil mind had never thought about making Aaron jealous. I would get my man.. even if my life depended on it.
Back to my story-
After being rejected, I was wallowing in self pity, like most preteen girls do. I felt as though no one would ever like me and my life was over. In reality, my life was just beginning. I had- and still have- so much of my life to look forward to. And I was just in the primacy of it. I didn't understand that back then. But I do now.
My family and I live near a local park. So to cheer up my mood, (or to cry by myself) not sure which yet, I decided to go to this park. It really is a beautiful park. There are acres of trees, playsets, a pond, it was the hangout. So, I'm there, same day, a few hours after being let down, shedding a poor little tear (boo hoo) on the swingset. Then I looked over my shoulder and I see two guys from my school-Kyle and Jones. "Oh great!" I thought, "Now they're gonna see me crying and they'll go and tell Aaron, I just don't feel like seeing anyone." But, even though my mind was begging them to leave the park and go home, it didn't stop them from coming over to see me."
"Hey Caty!" Kyle said. Kyle and I were good friends in grade school. I would tell him just about everything. He was always nice, understanding, and a very good listener. So they come over, me saying "Hi!" while wiping my tears. Thankfully they never did see those tears, at least I hope not.
We had our usual talk about school, parents, etc. And Kyle brought up his best friend Jake. "Did Jake talk to you by chance?" "No. " I replied. "Why?" Kyle, a smile crackling up on his face told me that Jake better tell me and it wasn't any of his buisness. 'This must me serious." I thought. Kyle told me practically everything. I WANT to know. I NEED to know. So I finally got it out of him, and apparently Jake, thought little old Caty was hot. HOTT!!!! And wanted to go out with me. The first thing that popped into my head was not, 'That's so nice of him'. No, I was much more evil to think of that. I wanted to make Aaron jealous. I wanted him to hurt just like I did.
Jake was a fine looking boy, and played on the same baseball team as Aaron. This was a prime opportunity for me to take revenge. Jake had the "bad boy" persona and was creepy at times, but I could stand that to get to Aaron. I should have known Jake liked me. He tried to buy me pretzels at lunch, held open practically every door for me, and tried to start up pointless conversations with me even though he knew I wasn't interested. So, this wasn't a huge suprise. But my evil mind had never thought about making Aaron jealous. I would get my man.. even if my life depended on it.
A question..
Do believe in love at a young age? Well, if you don't, this is not the blog for you. But I can tell you that I do believe in this so called "myth" because I have expierenced it.
It all began in 7th grade, yes 7th grade, don't judge... I had puppy love for this cute brown-eyed freckled boy named Aaron. Aaron was everthing a 12 year old girl could have wanted- or so I thought. He was handsome, played sports, was kind and sweet, all the girls loved him. I can remember thinking in my mind, "Why would he ever like me?" But still I went on drawing pictures of him in my notebooks, conversing about him with my closest girlfriends, and fantasizing about our future wedding. I knew my dreams of becoming his girlfirend would never withstand, because, as you have already guessed, there is a girl in the picture.
Emily was never pretty, but something between Aaron and Emily clicked. And what Emily had I would have KILLED for. She had the guy, the guy that made every estrogenated girl around him go crazy, no matter how old or small, no matter what your taste, this guy was gorgeous.
So when Emily and Aaron broke up, I was jumping for joy! Yayy! He was finally free to be with me. Have you ever heard the song by Taylor Swift "You belong with me.."? even though the song was not blasting on everyone's radio, I, solely in my heart was belting it out.
Being shy, I asked one of my girlfriends to ask him out for me at recess. I, as i have already stated being shy, decided to stay inside in case he said no. And I was right. He did say no. But, I, the 12 year old Caty who thought she knew everything, had a plan.
It all began in 7th grade, yes 7th grade, don't judge... I had puppy love for this cute brown-eyed freckled boy named Aaron. Aaron was everthing a 12 year old girl could have wanted- or so I thought. He was handsome, played sports, was kind and sweet, all the girls loved him. I can remember thinking in my mind, "Why would he ever like me?" But still I went on drawing pictures of him in my notebooks, conversing about him with my closest girlfriends, and fantasizing about our future wedding. I knew my dreams of becoming his girlfirend would never withstand, because, as you have already guessed, there is a girl in the picture.
Emily was never pretty, but something between Aaron and Emily clicked. And what Emily had I would have KILLED for. She had the guy, the guy that made every estrogenated girl around him go crazy, no matter how old or small, no matter what your taste, this guy was gorgeous.
So when Emily and Aaron broke up, I was jumping for joy! Yayy! He was finally free to be with me. Have you ever heard the song by Taylor Swift "You belong with me.."? even though the song was not blasting on everyone's radio, I, solely in my heart was belting it out.
Being shy, I asked one of my girlfriends to ask him out for me at recess. I, as i have already stated being shy, decided to stay inside in case he said no. And I was right. He did say no. But, I, the 12 year old Caty who thought she knew everything, had a plan.
Intro
Hey,
It's Caty. I am sixteen years old, I love the color purple (the book too!) Is afraid of NOTHING. (ya, take that Norris) and I have no doubt in my mind that no one will ever read this, but I have a story to tell. Some may think this trivial, others deeply personal, but whatever the case, a story is still a story and I would appreciate if you consider reading mine.
It's Caty. I am sixteen years old, I love the color purple (the book too!) Is afraid of NOTHING. (ya, take that Norris) and I have no doubt in my mind that no one will ever read this, but I have a story to tell. Some may think this trivial, others deeply personal, but whatever the case, a story is still a story and I would appreciate if you consider reading mine.
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